Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
