she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
