ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
