Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Why is your signature on my underwear?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
