this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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