He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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