Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
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