..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
