youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
