That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
