AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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