i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm bleeding and have questions
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
