names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
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