Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
