I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
