I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
