I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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