a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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