Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Did you pee in the oven last night??
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
