Did you just see the Batmobile???
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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