New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize