Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
