So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
