if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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