Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i think my mom watched the whole time
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Randomize
