I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
