I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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