I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize