i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
