i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
third nipple confirmed
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
