be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
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