just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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