VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize