Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
