please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
