Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
