Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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