dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
