does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Everyone says I win the strip club
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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