Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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