You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
im calling her cock vulture from now on
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
