Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
