were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
how does that bad decision feel?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
