She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
