Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
