is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
