i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
