I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
