hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
