happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize