I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Randomize
