Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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