I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
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