is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
