There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
