Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
