There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
