I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
