It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm getting married
To pizza
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
