I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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