shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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