So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
