Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize