after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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