Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
