watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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