you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
