I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
