The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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