If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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