The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
