I love black thongs
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
