She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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