Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
