I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
