I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
