how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
