I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
