He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
