I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
