Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
