its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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