Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
