Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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